Ke$ha Says She and Johnny Depp Shared a Moment

Ke$ha says Johnny Depp eye-fucked the hell out of her at a benefit concert last year, which seems much safer than actually fucking Ke$ha. From Metro:

It could all be in her head - but we'll give it to Ke$ha after she claimed she's had 'eyeball sex' with Johnny Depp. The outrageous singer insists she's not a 'slut' but revealed her stare-down with Johnny was mutual - months after his split from Vanessa Paradis last year.

"Me and Johnny Depp had eyeball sex at the benefit concert for Superstorm Sandy in LA," said the C'Mon singer. "We never really talked - we just had eyeball sex."

Eyeball sex, you say? That's what the not-so-pretty girls say. I bet if I interviewed Mr. Depp and got his version of the story, he wouldn't call it "eyeball sex." Nope, looking at the two of them I'd say Johnny would call it "visual rape," or "forcible diddling of the optic nerves." Ke$ha looks like her voice sounds without auto tuning: a bad heroin trip. I don't usually give advice for free, but I recommend Ke$ha stick to making shitty music and not accosting one of our great actors with her tomfoolery.